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So who kept the resolutions they made for 2013? That’s right people –
I DID!!!

I told you I was making them attainable and something I could live with.

Let’s review the 2013 resolutions.
1. I will not step on my scale more than once a month. The damn thing just annoys me so I don’t know why I’d want to spend any real time with it. It’s rude, obnoxious, and the little bastard lies.

I don’t think I stepped on that ugly POS (piece of s***) more than three or four times since my post. I saw the doc several times this year and stepped on her scale (it lies too – must be something the manufacturer builds in). The doc seemed unconcerned, so I went with her attitude.

2. I will step away from anyone who I can’t be nice to or won’t be nice to me. Both in person and online. In person, this will save me the hassle of calling Mr. Scott to pick me up after arraignment, and online, it will keep me from leaving a permanent trail that can be used against me in a court of law.

In my opinion (besides that annoying judge’s, mine is the only one that really matters), I was successful. I steered clear of a few people here in town, and I closed Facebook more than once this year. I did attempt to stay in the face of my elected representatives concerning their votes on the things that most affected me. And when it came to many of the online dramas, I did my best to say nothing and walk away. Arguing with people who feel “persecuted” is a lot like pissing in the wind. It may accomplish the job, but it leaves you feeling unsanitary when you’re done.

3. I will adopt a dog this year because I have no trouble being kind to a dog. I like them better than most of the people I encounter. Dogs like me, and they don’t care if I’m overweight, have no fashion sense, curse too much, and don’t give a rat’s ass about dusting.

We have the darling Daisy. We weren’t ready for her, but she wasn’t ready to have her human die and leave her alone. Mr. Scott brought her home from Phoenix, and she’s been one of the best things that happened to us this year. I did worry about her fitting in, but I guess she feels at home here.

4. I will keep my one living houseplant alive for another year. It helps that it’s a cactus, but it’s still a challenge to me.

Not only did I accomplish this, but a friend gave me another green thing at Valentine’s Day and it too has survived my many attempts to let it die. I’m quitting while I’m ahead – no more plants. Fortunately, the resolution was only about the houseplants because I managed to kill off a couple rose bushes outside this year.

5. I will hoard three-way incandescent light bulbs. I hate those new squiggle damn things.

I have hoarded some of the larger three-ways, but I’ve come to realize that change is inevitable. I still hate those squiggly things though and I’m going to invest in the LED types.

6. I will not go back to doing things that I have already managed to give up doing. Therefore, I will not be smoking, seriously drinking, or jogging. If I take up jogging again, you can bet that I’m drinking heavily.

I am happy to report that my fat ass did not go jogging this year. Hell, I barely moved faster than the standard old people pace most days. I didn’t smoke or do any serious drinking either. Okay, maybe I am serious about this wine – if I’m gonna go, I’m going out happy. If you don’t get to drink much – drink the good stuff.

7. I will lower my head and not look directly at the other driver when I call him a freaking useless Asshat that can’t drive to save his soul. I’m getting too old to get out of the car and beat the hell out of people. It’s also not as easy as it used to be to beat up on those old white-haired ladies since more of them are going to the gym and eating healthy.

I did it, but this was the hardest of all my resolutions to keep. What the hell is wrong with people? Driver’s education needs to be mandatory. Teenagers without jobs shouldn’t be allowed to drive. Women who believe their rearview mirror is for makeup shouldn’t be allowed to drive. And all cars should be equipped with some type of device that disables phones unless the vehicle is in park or has already crashed. And I should be authorized the use of a rocket launcher when I’m stuck behind one of those useless Asshats!

8. I will not eat any beets or lima beans. I don’t like them. I don’t want them. And as an adult – I don’t have to eat the damn things if I don’t wanna.

This was a total gimme. I did not eat either of those things. I also managed to avoid several other items that I’m not fond of this year. I ate no yellow squash, parsnips, or turnips. I consider this a bonus.

9. I will avoid daytime television, reality television, and anything with wives, bachelors, survivors, gold hunting, trucking, crabbing, axe, or swamp in the premise or title. I’ve suffered enough brain damage from the serious drinking and I don’t need to add to it with this useless drivel.

Other than inadvertently walking through a room when Mr. Scott was watching Storage or Shipping Wars, I was completely successful. While I’ll never get those previously lost brain cells back, at least I didn’t lose any more to this crap. And who decided that being toothless was a look? Some idiot is now paying you – buy some freaking dentures. And just for the record – it’s neither History, nor is it worthy of Discovery. Asshats!

10. And finally, I will stay at least one-half mile away from Sam Elliott. The restraining order was quite clear about the distance, and I’m pretty good at following rules when there are consequences.

Santa didn’t deliver Sam (which would have been a freebie as far as the restraining order goes since he would have been coming to me – just sayin’!), so I was able to stick to the resolution. Had Santa delivered… well… I’d have just had to live with my failure.

2013’s list was good, but I’m going to change up a few of them for 2014.

I’m getting rid of #3. I can only manage one dog at a time and Daisy is perfect for us. My new #3 will be to do my Lumosity training daily. And to try to think about doing it before the reminder comes. I’d really like to remember where I put that damn phone down without having to wander around the house – even though that counts as activity in my books.

#4 changes to keeping my two houseplants alive. And this is a bonus item! There are two plants in one pot, so it’s actually three plants I’m keeping alive. I’m now at my limit. No more plants!!!

#8 is going away. I’m not going to eat stuff I don’t like anyway and there should be some element of challenge involved.

My new #8 will be to not drink the entire pot of coffee each day. This will be a real test for me. The doc would like me to cut back to 2 cups of coffee per day. She also seems to think that caffeine is bad for people. I’m willing to cut back from the entire pot and I’ll even drink an additional bottle of water during the day; however, giving up coffee is like giving up being an Oregon Duck fan – it ain’t ever gonna happen.

#8 violates my rules of easy resolutions, but I get bored without a challenge. This one will be a major challenge. Without the additional caffeine, it might be difficult to control other impulses…

Mr. Scott and I wish you all a safe and happy 2014.

The dog and scale images are mine. The rest were blatantly stolen from the internet and violate someone’s copyright, although I’m sure Patz and Hall won’t mind that I singled them out for having a great wine. Please feel free to send the copyright police and have me arrested. I could use the break.

I’ve been following several authors who have been successful in their self-publishing pursuits. We can tell how successful by their placement on the sales list. You’re moving a lot of books if you’re on the Top 100 at Amazon. Several of these authors talk about the value of self-promotion. Most say that an author needs to spend at least twenty percent of their time promoting their work. Requesting reviews, blogging, chatting, and interfacing with anyone who will talk about them in any way so their name is out there. They are quick to point out that not just the books, but you as the author, are the product. And you better be able to pimp the product.

But how do I do that? That’s contrary to how I was raised and how I’ve spent my life. My parents taught me not to talk about my accomplishments. No one likes a braggart. I can tell you who I am and what I did, but I can’t tell you how freaking wonderfully I did it. That’s never been part of my skill set. An NCO’s job is to do what’s right for his troops – not for personal gain. The mantra for those of us who are true believers has always been “take care of the troops and the mission will take care of itself.” I’m not sure that I can change a lifetime of saying “It’s not about me” in order to sell a few books.

Don’t ask me to tell you that I’m good at something. I can’t. I can talk about how great everyone else is. I can tell you that E.P. Brown continued to give his brothers in arms 110% even though his commander made it his personal mission to treat him like crap. That Kevin “Gunny” Collins didn’t just show up even as his body began to argue with him at every turn, he pushed on and continued to lead from the front, ignoring the pain because he’d made a commitment to do so. And that, even though we gave him zero guidelines in competing for Instructor of the Quarter, Steven Jones-Johnson set the standard when he gave the finest program presentation that I have ever seen in my life. In retrospect, I realize that it wasn’t in their DNA to do anything less than they were capable of. They were all simply incredible NCOs who I’ve never forgotten. I’m thrilled to tell you about those NCOs, but I’ll avoid telling you what my role was. It was never about what I did – it was about what they did.

So, where does this leave me in the world of selling my books? My books are personal. There’s a good chunk of me in every one. I can tell you what I do by writing about why I do it, and even addressing some of the questions about the process. But I can’t tell you that I’m freaking fantabulous at what I do. In fact, I’m so uncomfortable with the whole process of promoting that when someone tells me they’re buying one of my books, I have to suppress the urge to lower their expectations. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable when people talk nice about me. I want to warn them that I’m not a bad writer, but I’m not God’s gift to word craft. I’ve learned to just shut up and pray they won’t think I’m an idiot.

I’m incapable of spin. I once knew someone who proudly proclaimed on her website that she was a bestselling author. I was totally impressed until I realized that she was one of only three authors at a small start-up publisher and she was selling 20 books a month, which was 5 more than each of the other authors. She wasn’t lying. She was the best seller for that publisher, but I felt like she was cheating me as a consumer. I publish under my friend Dean’s business banner. He’s the brilliant guy who does all my covers and handles the pain-in-the-ass process of getting my books out there. I’m his bestselling author. But, I’m also his only author. However, at under 30 books a month, I’m pretty realistic about what that means. I’m in the lower 2 million of Amazon’s top seller’s lists. I’m incapable of spinning bullshit into fairy tales so you’ll never see those words in a sales pitch unless I make it onto Amazon’s Top 100. Hell – the words sales pitch brings on the cold sweats and a slightly light-headed feeling.

I can post the news that I have a good review and thank the person who wrote it, but I can’t help worrying that my friends will think I’m acting like a braggart. But apparently that’s what I’m supposed to be if I’m going to be in this business.

Truth: I have no fear of getting up in front of 200 genealogists or historians and talking about military records. If you want to know how to figure out what all that stuff is in your ancestor’s compiled service record, unit history, adjutant general’s reports, Civil War Pension files, and court martial records, I’m your gal. I am also capable of speaking for well over an hour about the historic economic factors that most affected your ancestor’s migrations and help you apply that information to your research.

But none of those things are about me. I’ve been speaking publicly for over thirty years, and I still don’t know where to look or what to do when I’m being introduced and the emcee says nice things. My urge is to tell the audience not to get too excited – it’s just me. I’m no different than they are. I’m simply a well organized genealogist who’s unafraid of public speaking. Although, I do admit that every time I think I’m ready for a speaking engagement, I remember Jones-Johnson’s presentation, and I go back through my notes, check my facts again, and I practice one more time. I’d like to be half as good as he was that day.

It’s kind of the same thing with the books. I’m just a reader who is able to share a story. As strange as it sounds coming from a person writing about themselves on their own website, I’m simply incapable of screaming “Look at me! Look at me!” I’m not even really comfortable linking this blog to my Facebook page. That makes me feel like I’m imposing my work on my friends. Too bad I can’t summon one of my many other personalities to be the writer, then I could sing her praises instead of my own.

Those big selling authors have told me that my sales will never take off if I don’t work at this part of the process. That I’m losing sales now and the longer I wait – the less money I’ll make.

Well, folks… I wasn’t making any money when I got into this. And I’m sure as hell not making any money now. But I don’t recall starting this to make money. I just wanted to write what I wanted to write and have a book and a cover that I could be proud of. My ten faithful readers haven’t complained, and I haven’t hurt anyone that I can think of.

Would I like to sell more? Hell, yes! I’d love to be discovered and pick up some coin.

But am I likely to change who I am to do it? Hell, no!

So, if you’re looking for me, I’ll be right here, writing instead of pimping.

I keep getting asked how I feel about the change in the Department Of Defense (DOD) policy which lifts the ban on women in combat. I’ve done a lot of reading and listening over the last couple of weeks and tried to sort out exactly what the hell the DOD policy was and is so I could properly answer the question.

The new DOD policy does little more than formally recognize what is already the status quo in our military. Women have been serving and functioning in those positions for at least the last ten years. Females perform duties in almost all the roles that you might think of as traditionally male. And they do their jobs well.

When I entered the military, we still had separate dormitories and some of the older guys still referred to the females in the Air Force as WAFs. (Women’s Air Force for you youngsters.) The AF was working hard to come up to some sort of equal opportunity standard in most of the career fields and they were under a great deal of pressure to do so. As a result, the standards were sometimes lowered so they could get women into the jobs. For every four of us who met the standard and physically qualified for the work, there were at least two who didn’t. The result was less than satisfactory, and as you might imagine, it pissed off the men who felt like they were having to pick up the slack. Trust me, it pissed off the women who were qualified just as badly.

The thing to remember is this is currently an all-volunteer service. We aren’t drafting women and tossing them into roles they neither want nor are suited for. There are thousands of positions that are not combat related, but the reality is that if you’re joining a branch of the military service, you are expected to serve where and when you are needed. The Marines have always had the creed of “Every Marine is a rifleman.” If you don’t want to go to war, don’t join the damn Marines.

The military may not be for you if you aren’t prepared to put on your gear and roll outside the safety of the fence with the men you serve with. If you’re only in it to get your college money, you should remember that nothing is free. You’ll be asked to pay for that education with your best efforts and possibly your blood or your life. If you are not prepared to do so – don’t sign the damn paper!

Many of my non-military female friends have questions about bodily functions and a woman’s “personal security” in the field. There are ways to handle the bodily functions, and they are the least of your worries if you are outside the wire. No one is interested in watching you take care of your business. As for your daughter’s “personal security” – I’d be more afraid of letting my twenty-one year old daughter loose on a college campus these days than I would be of having her in the Army or Marines and out in the field. Is it dangerous? Hell, yes. But so is being a police officer or even a prison guard in an all-male facility, yet as a nation we have become accustomed to women filling these roles.

My attitude about equality in the military hasn’t changed since the day I entered the service. When you need someone to fill a job, that job should be offered to anyone and everyone qualified to do that job, regardless of gender, color, or religion.

The key word to me remains QUALIFIED.

No service should lower the standards required for any job just to accommodate a particular group. If the standard is to be capable of lifting 40 pounds, then you have to lift the 40 pounds or you can’t have the job. If the standard is to run a mile in full battle rattle in a set amount of time, then you have to run in the same gear as everyone else and complete the task in the given amount of time. If the job is to tote the twenty-five plus pound baseplate of the mortar along with your regular pack up the mountain, then quit your bitchin’ and get your ass to packing. Everyone in the job must be required to meet the same standard.

I’ve always believed that no person should demand equality unless they are prepared to accept the responsibilities and burdens that comes with that equality. Ladies, just like the gentlemen have to do, if you want to put on the uniform and accept all the benefits, then you must now accept ALL the demands and hardships also. Just remember, no one is making you sign on that dotted line – this is a job that you are VOLUNTEERing for.