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So just how do you put yourself out there without sounding completely desperate or becoming totally annoying? When is too much – TOO MUCH?

To be good at this sort of thing you have to sell yourself as much as you sell your book. I’m uncomfortable with blowing my own horn in some ways. Telling you things about myself in the blog is mostly anecdotal (yes I had to look up the spelling), and it is almost always done in a way that lets you know that I’m an idiot. I make huge mistakes that I hope others will learn from, and I’m okay with you knowing that I screwed up.

But. standing on a street corner and beating my own drum is just not something I know how to do. In truth, it’s not something I ever want to be good at. I find all that self-gratifying “Look at me – I’m the best writer you’ve ever seen!” stuff makes me a little ill. Well – and it’s a lie. I’m not and neither are you! Good is acceptable; Best is always for someone else – usually someone DEAD. Sure, you should talk about the good things you’ve accomplished on your website. If you got a good review, say so. But there’s a fine line between okay and too much.

I’m really uncomfortable with “spin.” When I see the words Bestselling Author, I immediately want to know the qualifier. If you’re in the top 100 in the paid category because your books actually sold, then I’m good with you using the title. If you’re in the top 100 of the download numbers because you gave them away with no sales to back that number up and you use this title, then you’re nothing but a liar. If you are called a bestselling author by a competent authority such as the N.Y. Times, then I’m good with that. But, if you are one of only ten writers publishing through some no-name press – that don’t count. Under that criteria, I’m a bestselling author too since I’m the only author in this stable. If one of your books sells betters than the others that may make it your best selling book, but that doesn’t make it a bestseller. If that’s the criteria then Protecting Parker is a bestseller.

Whooohhhhooooo! Look at me, I’m a bestselling author! Quick, somebody, kiss my damn ass!

The truth is that if you can’t make a living off your sales, or you didn’t make the top 100 of a real sales list, then you need to remove that title from your website and author pages. Because in reality, you’re just some desperate, needy wannabe, trying to sound better than you are.

I don’t ever want to be included in that group.

The other thing is that I’d rather not drive my friends crazy by trying to jam my books down their throats on a regular basis. As a result, I don’t bang my friends over the head with requests to share my announcements or blogs. I link my blog to my Facebook author page and to my personal Facebook page and some folks read it and some folks don’t. I don’t beg them to go to Amazon and like my books, or go to my author page and like me, nor do I beg them to buy my books. I don’t continually post that my book is still for sale. Duh! If they didn’t buy it when it came out, embarrassing yourself by multiple postings will not help. Especially on your personal page! That type of behavior simply goes back to the desperate and needy thing I mentioned earlier.

Would I like my books to be noticed? Yes. Very much!
Would I like more sales? Yes please!
Would I like my friends to share my notices and talk about my books? Absolutely!

Will you see me lying about what I’m doing or spinning who I am? Nope.
Will you see me abusing or annoying my friends to gain a sale? Never.

So, while some folks are out there beating their own drum, blowing their own horn, and bugging the crap out of their friends – I’ll be right here writing.

Would you walk into your employer and offer to work for free in hopes of getting a raise?

So why would you give away the book that you sweat blood and slaved over?

I personally consider it to be one of the stupidest things an author can do.

Clarification – I am only talking about putting your book up on Amazon or Barnes and Noble for FREE. I am not talking about KDP Select/Prime (the lending library) or a contest on your website.

The basic concept is that you give away one of your books and people read it and like it, and then they buy all your other books. This is billed as a way to pick up new readers who might not otherwise give you a try. I get the idea of a loss leader, but having worked retail, I also know that it really doesn’t work all that well for “getting more” out of the customer. That appears to be even more true in book sales. This will also only work if you have other books available for them to buy! I watched an author who only had one book available give away her book over a long weekend. What the hell was she thinking?

Most of us can remember a time when the chance to get a free book from an author in a website contest was a big deal. Readership for the website went up, people were sharing information about the contest, and it was really quite exciting for both the author and the reader.

Now all those freebies are killing everyone’s chance to sell a book. Why pay for my book or your book when some idiot will give away their book?

I follow several different reader websites and I’m inundated every week with offers for free books. EBook Lovers, which promotes Kindle authors at no charge, posts at least three, and usually more, each day. Another site sends out a notice on Friday for the “free weekly deals” listing between five and ten novels being given away. All these sites encourage us to share this information with our friends.

Why the hell would I want to do that? Sheesh, authors! Haven’t you ever heard the old adage, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”

I have a lot of friends with Kindles and Nooks – friends who used to spend a lot of money every month either in the bookstore or online. Many of them have admitted to me that they rarely purchase a book anymore. They simply download the free ones and move on. Who cares if it’s good or bad? There’s another free one waiting for you.

Interestingly enough, those same people also tell me that they have no expectation of quality when they do this. When they want what they consider to be a decent book, they buy one. I’ll talk about perceived value in another post.

Very few people like to tell you when their great idea doesn’t work, but I’m actually hearing from other writers that they and their fellow writers have not experienced the large bump in sales that they were hoping for, and the bump they received was very short term – only a few days.

One romance writer (who asked that I not use her name) gave away one of the more popular titles in her catalog for a twenty-four hour period. This is a writer who has more than a dozen books available, excellent reviews, and sales that have remained consistent rather than growing. She had an expectation that her sales might increase about five percent across the board and that she might receive some reviews. This didn’t seem like such an unrealistic expectation to me. Several thousand people downloaded the book, but after sixty days, she found the uptick in sales was less than two percent and all of that uptick occurred in the first five days. She also did not receive any help in reviews, since no one wrote one.

They might have loved her book, but they sure didn’t say so or buy too many others before they moved on to the next free offer.

She also shared that when she’d used this strategy last year, her sales had soared. But now, everyone is doing it, so the value as a promotional tool appears to be dwindling.

When I said to a friend, “You don’t see car manufacturers giving their stuff away.” Her response was, “Sure you do. Don’t you watch Wheel of Fortune?”

Let me explain this in little words. TEN MILLION people tune in and you (the car manufacturer) tell them about your car, show them pictures of your car, and advertise the snot out of your car to those potential buyers. Then you give away – ONE car. That someone may or may not even win.

When you put your book up for free on Amazon – ONE THOUSAND people download it. And what do you get these days? Two percent, which equals TWENTY sales. No advertising, no pictures, and no one is jumping up and down screaming with excitement because they got your book.

Once again, the authors I’m following and hearing from think this is no longer a viable strategy.

The reality is that people who swoop down on the freebies aren’t really buyers. They’re just people that like free stuff. Once they have yours – they are off to the next offering.

When is it not dumb to give away a book?
Lots of times. Most of us give away a fair number of books to our friends or family members. My beta-readers each get a copy of the finished book and every other one of my books, whether they worked on that story or not. Anyone who helped and made the acknowledgements also gets a free copy. Mostly I give one away because I want someone I actually know to try my book.

Otherwise – not happening.

This is one of those shared experience things. As soon as you say the word shared, you know I’m in trouble. I write a blog and another author posts it on their site and theoretically their readers will buy my book. In return, they write something and I share it with my readers. It’s probably very effective is some sort of way, but that doesn’t mean I’m in favor of it. Mostly because this just feels so God-awful artificial.

“Hi everyone. My name is Mabel J., and I’m just so excited that Suzy Q. invited me to tell you a little about my new book on her blog.”
[Insert the sound of me retching here!]
While I’m sure at this point you might welcome someone besides me on this blog – tough. You signed up for me.

I certainly didn’t subscribe to Suzie Q.’s damn blog to read something by Mabel J. Suzie Q. can read Mabel J.’s stuff and if it’s that great than Suzie Q. can tell me exactly why I should give a damn about Mabel J. And in a meaningful way – not some bull**** happy backslapping kind of thing. And not because your damn publisher said you had to!

I’m being honest here – I really don’t want to do guest blogging. I’m selfish enough that all I can think about is just how much will this benefit me. Are your readers going to understand someone like me? I’m not your average romance writer. Can’t I just send you my link and you can post it and say nice things about me?

Seriously, wouldn’t it be better if I wrote something decent and personal about a book that I read and liked and then shared a link to that author’s book on Amazon or their website? And if I liked it that well, shouldn’t I also have taken the time to write a damn review?

Because what if I like the book and I’m willing to talk about it, but have no use for the author as a person? That may sound strange, but I can like a book by someone while hating the personal or political views the author embraces on their website. While I’d be willing to tell you that I liked the book, I’m not interested in giving that person space to vomit their views on my site.

I’m back to Dean and the concept of the website being the face of your business. In his words, “You won’t find McDonalds letting Burger King advertise in their restaurant.” A silly example, but very true.

Guest blogging to me is really part of the social networking thing. I’m not against it – I’m just not really interested in doing it. Every minute I spend working on a guest blog for someone else is time that I’m not spending writing my next book or communicating with people that are actually interested in me and what I’m doing. And hey – it’s really all about me and my time.

My current plan is that if some other author says something that I think is important or interesting on their blog, then I’ll tell you what I liked and why, and you can make the choice to go check it out or not. That seems like a better deal for me.

Once again, I seem to be failing at the self-promotion thing as recommended by the “experts.”

15 May was the target date – I did not make it.

I’d like to come up with a really good reason for not meeting the target date, but I was the kid that didn’t bother with excuses, and I was always a lousy damn liar. No one ever bought my excuses or my lies, so I gave up on both. I simply went with the truth – it was usually more interesting anyway.

Usually. But, not this time. In this instance, I simply didn’t get the job done because I failed to use my time wisely, and I completely underestimated my research time. (Told you I was harder on myself than anyone else would ever be.)

Lesson Learned: If you are dumb enough to choose to step outside your background and scope of direct knowledge than you should double your time estimates.

I also found a problem at the three quarter point that is requiring me to make some adjustments, but that’s just the nature of the beast. While, it’s frustrating that I didn’t catch the problem earlier – I’m grateful to have caught the problem myself rather than have it pointed out later by someone else. Still, I now have to go back and do a few rewrites (to adjust for my idiocy) before I can progress.

One of my favorite beta readers Pat recently told me, “Quality is better than quantity. If it takes longer then it takes longer. Your readers will appreciate it.”

Bear with me folks, I’m getting there…

Most of the folks who supposedly know how to do this self-promotion thing will tell you to get one of the major professional review sites or reviewers to review your book. You need reviews to get noticed. The more reviews – the more notice.

Dean and I both did a lot of homework in this area and then compared notes. Most of the “professional reviewers” we found were backed up for a year from being overwhelmed by the self-published like me. So, if you are going to go this route, get in line as soon as you can.

What you really HOPE for is that someone who reads your book will take the time to write something nice. What you PRAY for is that if they don’t like your book they’ll keep it to themselves. I find that asking someone to write a review is harder than asking people to beta read. But, if you hear from someone on your Facebook page or through your website who liked your book, suck it up and ask them to write a quick review on Amazon.

Things to remember about reviews:

#1 – It’s someone’s personal opinion. Not everyone will like you. If you can’t take the heat – don’t do this. Above all – don’t ever respond. Arguing with a reviewer is like looking down the barrel of your weapon after it has misfired. No good can come of this.

#2 – Tell your friends and family that while you appreciate their help, if they are going to write a review, they need to keep it professional. It’s supposed to be about the book. I’m offended when I read a five star review by someone who says, “My husband, Patrick, worked hard on this book and you need to give him a chance.” Really? You just made Patrick look desperate and needy and sorta whipped. Patrick, grow a pair and make her take it down! Better no review than that one.

#3 – I’m not sure how helpful it is to have one of the pros provide a review with a full synopsis of the book. More than once, I’ve seen no need to buy the book after reading one of these. Not that the book wouldn’t be a decent read, but the reviewer told me the whole damn story and spoiled the ending, so why spend my money. The other issue on some of these is that by the time I’m done with the lengthy babbling – I still have no idea whether the reviewer thought the book was worth reading.

#4 – Authors reviewing authors they don’t have a relationship with is okay. Robert Crais is welcome to drop by and say something nice about one of my books anytime. I choose not to review other peoples work as an author. As a private person and reader, I will review the books I spent my hard-earned money on.

#5 – Authors reviewing authors they co-write and work with is just plain unprofessional. I recently read a review on Amazon where several people who had written an anthology together, each posted reviews on each other’s stand-alone books. What validity does a review have if the authors are partners in a venture for profit? I know it happens all the time, but this simply doesn’t work for me. Was this review helpful? I hit the NO button.

Just in case you are wondering, many publishers require their authors to provide comments and reviews on fellow authors within the same stable. Books are provided to those authors, so it’s not even as though they bought the book and tried it. They do have a vested interest though and that makes it feel like some sort of sleazy scheme. Yet another reason that I went the self-publishing route. No one gets to tell me what to do or who to do it for.

So why are these damned reviews so important?
Because on Amazon they raise your ranking, which means you have a better chance of being seen. A book with a review will appear ahead of a book with no review. A book with two recent reviews will often be above a book with four very old reviews. Activity of any type (purchase, reviews, likes, and even views) moves you up in the strange algorithm that Amazon uses in creating their lists of “what people looked at.” The higher you go, the more often you appear on the recommended lists and people searching for this looked at that list. If you are on the first three pages of a search, you stand a much better chance of selling your book. People generally quit after the third or fourth page of a search.

Where do I stand on being reviewed?
I haven’t bothered sending my book to anyone in the professional arena. At first, I held myself back from doing this because I honestly didn’t see myself as fitting many of the specific genres that the reviewers specialized in. I’m reasonably sure my books and my style would not do well with someone who usually reviews historical romance. Nor do I fit in the “chick lit” column. The other issue in the very beginning was that it takes guts to throw your book into the lion’s den. However, after a while, what some so-called professional thought of my novel ceased to matter to me. Once again, this choice is not an issue of either pride or shame in my book – pro-reviews are just not something that I cared enough about to participate in. A pros opinion doesn’t matter as much to me as some guy from Paducah who paid for my book and took the time to write something honest.

I truely could not be happier with the reader reviews that have been posted on my books. The idea that someone I don’t know took the time to provide a comment is just incredibly cool. Thanks to the folks that have taken the time to do it.

Would I like more?
You bet! But only if they’re real. I’d rather have a review that said, “It was good – I liked it” than have some pencil neck geek post a bloody damn synopsis. Of course, if you don’t like it than I hope you will practice what your mother preached, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then say nothing.”

Is there anything more narcissistic that an author page on Facebook? (Of course there is, but we’re talking about writing and self-promoting here.) I have an author page on Facebook, but I prefer my blog for communicating. To kill two birds with one stone, I now link my blog to my author page.

Truthfully, I’m not a big fan of conducting business on Facebook. The problem for me is that I consider a social network to be just that – social. Being social means that I’m supposed to be all warm and friendly and… sharing. That also puts it on a more personal level. All that interaction is just a little creepy and stalkerish. (I’m not sure that’s a word – but it fits!) What kind of damn nut job wants to know that much about my personal life?

My private life isn’t all that interesting, and I don’t really think you need to know (and can’t imagine why you would care) what Lynne Scott is eating for dinner or watching on television.

Mostly, I find myself wondering just how much of the crap I see is made up to make the fan/reader believe the author is as interesting as their character. When I start reading about someone’s fabulous life, travels, possessions, etc., my first thought (cynical loser that I am) is, “How much of this is bull?”

How many people want you to believe they live the life of their character? After all, a hot bodyguard is much more exciting than being… me. I’m just skeptical about some of the stuff that I run into.

I’m really put off by an author page full of happy sayings, downloaded pics of hot bodies, constant babbling about the latest brand of [pick your personal poison] booze, clothing, shoes, or politician, and not a darn thing about their chosen profession of writing.

Is this a place to interact and share? Or a place to display and sell your wares? I get that it’s an easy way to communicate with your fans. I’m all for that. But I didn’t come to your author page to find out that you have spent your day in scrap-booking class, doing Pilates, having dinner with your four best gal pals, or hitting the latest shoe sale. I came to your author page to find out if you were writing another damn book because I liked your last one.

So, you are unlikely to see much about what I eat on my author page. I’m not sure how much I will actually share on there – it’s too new and a little weird for me at this point. My “friends” are the people that I’ve known for years and they know the real things that matter to me. There’s not much more that I am willing to share beyond what’s up on this website and a few other tidbits. I like guns, muscle cars, men who aren’t intimidated by a woman who can shoot, and people who have common sense. Which could be why I don’t have that many damn friends.

If I won’t discuss politics and religion on my blog, you can bet I won’t on my author page. And don’t expect me to give you a whole bunch of crap about women’s equality and rights. If you want to be equal – ACT FUCKING EQUAL! Do your damn job and don’t expect everyone to change how they do theirs or kiss your ass just because you showed up. Sorry… I got distracted.

I will also occasionally share with you when a friend of mine has published a new book. However, I will never tell you it’s great if I haven’t actually read it and don’t believe that to be true!

What I most want you to know on a regular basis is that I am alive and writing! Anything else will show up here in the blog – not on my social networking page.

See, I told you that I suck at this self-promotion thing.